Our Destiny
by QuestionMarkHeart
Summary: Destiny is more complicated than it seems. What if the one person you trust completely is the one person you cannot have? What if the line between friendship and love start to blur? There will be consequences, people will suffer. But all is fair in love and war. Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Merlin/Gwen, Merlin/Freya Don't own Merlin but if I did...;)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Set in some nonexistent time between season 4 and 5. Utter is dead, Arthur is King, Freya is alive and the ban on magi has yet to lifted. This is my very first fic so I hope you I enjoy and review so I can get better :)

**Disclaimer:** there will be some mature content in future chapters but I'll give a heads up when the time comes.

_Kilgharrah said we were two sides of the same coin. I always knew our destiny was irrevocably tied like two knotted ropes. I just never considered that those ropes would link together as chaotically as they did. I never expected that I one day would even be able tell where one rope ended and the other began._

CHAPTER 1

**Merlin**

I don't know when it began; when the line between friendship and more began to blur. I don't know when loyalty turned into devotion and obligation became love. I remember one morning…it was the same as any other. I was late and trying not to trip as I balanced Arthur's breakfast tray on one hand. I opened the door to his chambers to find him already awake, the curtains drawn and him standing in front of the window. He was naked form the waist up and the light fell in soft whispers around him. I'd seen him in various forms of undress over the years but not quite like that.

His golden hair, the tense lines of his back, the soft outline of his features.

He looked over his kingdom and I looked over him.

I felt it then; the urge. The whisper of hunger. It coiled tight at the pit of my stomach.

He turned then, smiled and said something that I couldn't hear over the nervous beat of my heart.

Of course, because I am me, I tripped and the tray went crashing. We both winced at the sound it made against the stone floor.

"Merlin, you out do yourself. Only you could manage to trip while standing perfectly still," he laughed.

I spent that day avoiding him. I offered my help in the kitchens, mocked out the stables and polished Arthur's armour despite having polished it a day ago. I worked until I could no longer feel the coil, until I didn't see the ridges of his back when I closed my eyes. I was on my way to see if Gaius needed my help with anything when I saw Gwen and Arthur in the courtyard. Arthur bent to pick up a blooming rose and placed it gently in her hair. His attempts at courting had vastly improved over the months since simple Gwen became a Lady and the possibility of marriage became a certainty. He'd have me in the stocks if I told, but we'd spent many a night thinking up ways to woo her.

We crossed out poetry when he kept rhyming her name with 'when'.

Gwen giggled softly and I felt the warmth of it from where I stood.

I was happy for my friend, happy for my _friends_, but I couldn't help but feel…a kind of hollowness. They were moving on. They were getting married and one day would start a family. They were revelling in the light of their love while I was still stuck in the darkness of my secret.

A secret that was growing stronger and more noticeable every day.

Gaius noticed it before I did.

I was searching for a special flower for him that would help sterilise open wounds. I found myself in some forestry not far from Camelot's gates. The ground was hard and barren from a lack of rain. The grass had long since died and any trees that still stood produced no fruit or flowers.

I lay my hands on the warm ground and willed the soil to loosen. I imagined the flower in my mind's eye and felt the tug and release of my magic unfolding and sinking into the earth. Normally when I did something like that, when I created life, it took very little energy; it felt like letting out a breath. But that day, I felt my magic like a tangible being. It was as if my magic was breathing, feeling, growing like the flower before me. I didn't mean to, but before I knew it the trees around me were producing fruit, the grass grew long and brushed my face from where I knelt. Other flowers, just like the one I imagined, sprung up all around me and further still. I heard the soft chirping of birds and butterflies perched gracefully on new petals.

It hadn't rained for weeks but I could smell it coming. It was as if everything was alive around me and above me. It was as if the very earth beneath me was breathing, humming with life, and the heartbeat of nature was in tune with mine.

I tried to rein my magic in but it was as if, in those few seconds, my magic had become too big for me. I felt the resistance as it submitted to me, felt the new tension, almost pain, it caused. It scared me more than anything.

I grabbed as many flowers as I could carry and ran back to Gaius. I felt unbalanced as I stumbled into his quarters. The flowers scattered across the floor and I followed. I hate to admit it, but I lost consciousness for a few hours.

When I came to, Gaius was patting my forehead with a cool cloth. He smiled softly when I finally focused on him.

"You scared me there for a moment. I thought…I don't know what I thought."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you," I croaked.

I focused beyond him and noticed that my room was in a state of array…well, at least more than usual.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You were levitating all the objects in here. Until you woke up, you were levitating too."

"But…I have not done that since I was a child!"

Gaius perched at the end of my bed and fixed me with his customary eyebrow lift.

"There is something we need to discuss," he started. I sat up and tried to prepare myself for whatever was coming. "Power like yours has never been documented, you are magic and magic is you. There are some that even believe you are the source of magic itself."

He paused and patted my knee gently.

"I've noted over the last couple years that your magic has grown as you have. It seems to reason that as you mature…so will it."

"What do you mean, Gaius?"

"Your twenty-first birthday is but a fortnight away. As you come of age, your magic will be the strongest it's ever been. It will become more and more difficult for you to control it. Magic is an extension of you, to deny it is to deny a part of yourself."

"Is that why…is that way it hurt when I tried to control it earlier?"

"I'm afraid so. It's going to get dangerous for you to stay in Camelot. Arthur is bound to notice something is off. It might be best for you to stay in Ealdor until you become better accustomed to this change."

The prospect of leaving Arthur, of leaving Gwen and the knights, brought a world of pain that seemed worse than anything my magic could inflict on me.

"I cannot do that! I cannot just leave! Morgana is at her strongest. She's rallying forces against us. It's only a matter of time before she makes another attempt on Arthur's life. I'm needed here!"

At that exclamation, a vase of flowers that sat perched by my window exploded and glass dispersed around the wilted flowers. Light caught the little bits of glass and I focused on that instead of the rapid beating of my heart. What is happening to me?

"You cannot risk exposure, Merlin. Your role in destiny is too profound." Gaius stood and wrung his hands nervously. "You are like a son to me. You could not forgive myself if something happened to you."

I nodded, unsure as what to say to comfort the old man. My body felt weak like I'd just worked it to the limit. My breathing was harsh and my heart rate had yet to settle. I fall back on my pillow and tried to even out my breathing; tried to control the magic that was begging to be released.

"Sleep for now, sleep and maybe reason will follow in the morning."

I don't know how long I was asleep but I was woken by the distinct sound of Arthur's voice. I think I could be trapped a thousand miles beneath the earth and I would still be able to hear my king if he called for me.

I had just enough time to magically send everything into its rightful place before the King of Camelot barged into my room.

"Do you not know how to knock, _sire_?" I teased.

"I am the king, I do not have to knock," he replied incredulously. It lacked the usual bite though. "Is there a reason you are in bed and not attending to me?"

He moved away from the door and further into my room. He seemed to fill the space, like the room had shrunk considerably since he stepped into it.

"I seem to have caught something. It couldn't be helped."

"Well…that's what Gaius said," he fidgeted with his belt and avoided me eyes. Would he ever get used to showing emotion?

"You were worried about me, weren't you?"

"Of…of course not…I am the king-"

"As you continue to remind me," I smiled.

He paused as if considering what to do then let out a breath I didn't know he was holding.

"You are not allowed to do that," he commanded in his most kingly voice.

"Do what, sire?"

"Fall ill. You are not allowed to fall ill."

I tried not to but I couldn't help but laugh. Leave it to Arthur to command good health.

"Do not laugh at me! It is a fair request; I can't have my manservant falling ill. It…it reflects poorly on me. As if I do not treat you well."

"You _do not_ treat me well, Arthur," I teased again.

"Well…" he shrugged, "you can have the day off to recuperate, but no more. Get better, _now_!"

He took one more look at me then stormed out in the same fashion that he came in.

Arthur can conquer any beast, any man. Years of training has made him the best fighter in Albion and all in Camelot believe him to be a fair and noble King. For all his attributes, showing emotion seems to be his major fault. I do not doubt he cares for me, in his own way. I do not doubt he considers me an ally, maybe even a friend. These rare moments when I see the mask slip a bit. When I see the real Arthur, the vulnerable Arthur, I love him all the more for it. I cannot leave. I just have to find a way to release this tension that will not get me hanged.

I was changing out of my tunic when I heard a soft knock on my door.

"Come in," I said, thinking it was Gaius.

"Merlin! I heard you are-"

I turned around to find a blushing Gwen. She was holding a tray with a bowl of soup on it and behind her I could see her new servant girl, Marie. I didn't understand the cause for embarrassment until I realised I was naked from the waist up which was not something Gwen was used to.

"I'm sorry…I…I should have announced it was me," she stammered uncertainly.

It was rather amusing so I didn't hurry to put my tunic back on.

"It's quite alright Gwen, no need to apologise."

I moved to take the tray out of her hands and tried not to smile at the slight edge to her breathing. It's times like this that I think of our kiss, so long ago. I try not to. I know Gwen is Arthur's, as it should be. But it's hard not to remember the softness of her lips, like the inside of rose petals.

Marie made herself known behind her lady. She smiled at me and there was no trace of embarrassment as her gaze wandered.

"Well…I have often wondered what was beneath that tunic. I'm quite impressed," she said.

"Marie!" Gwen exclaimed.

She simply shrugged, curtsied and sent me a wink before leaving.

"She's interesting…"

"That she is," she set down the tray and begun playing with her fingers, "I did not want a servant but Arthur insisted."

Her eyes remained fixed on the floor before I took pity and put on a different tunic.

"It was very sweet of you to check up on me. I know your time could be better spent now that you are _Lady_ Gwen."

She made a dismissive motion with her hand. "Merlin, you're my best friend, and Arthur's. Your welfare is more important to me than you might think. I was worried about you." She placed her hand on my one and I felt it again.

Just like when I saw Arthur bathed in the morning light, something coiled deep inside me. I could feel my magic coming alive inside me, stretching as if about to take flight. I suppressed the feeling and it fought back like an insolent child. I could almost hear it begging to be let loose.

Begging to be free.

Her hand wrapped around my wrist and she looked up at me with her big brown eyes. I saw interest there, wonder, and I hoped she couldn't tell that I'd stopped breathing.

I was extremely grateful when Gaius came barrelling through the door talking about herbs to relax ones system because she dropped her hand like it was burning. She looked down at her hand before curling it and backing out my room.

"I'll…I'll see you tomorrow, Merlin. Feel better!"

I watched her leave and tried, yet again, to calm myself down.

"I don't know what's wrong with me Gaius, but I need you to help me control it before it gets me in a world of trouble."

**Arthur**

He's become careless.

While training, a squire was conversing with a knight about the random growth in the forestry outside Camelot's gates. They pondered about what could have caused such quick growth. I knew though, I also knew that the rain clouds that appeared and disappeared almost as quickly were not natural.

I could almost sense it; almost taste his magic in the air.

He thinks I don't know. He thinks I'm oblivious.

I was once. I thought he was just the simple, idiotic manservant that stuck by my side. But then I saw the pattern. I noticed that when he was not with me, it would the knights and me longer to defeat our adversary. When he wasn't by my side, we would lose more men than if he was.

I was taught to fear magic, to be wary of its influence. I was told how difficult it could be for a man to stand against a creature of magic, and yet we always won. I always walked away from the battle more or less unscathed.

My father once said that only magic could fight magic. That's why he purged the land of it, because he knew that if magical creatures rallied against Camelot, there would be no end to the bloodshed.

It makes sense that there would be someone within Camelot's walls that used their magic for the good of the kingdom. I asked myself, who could it be? Who would risk so much? Who could be so loyal to stand by me and my people despite all the wrong we have done to magic users?

There was only one; Merlin.

Once the thought planted itself in my head, all the signs were rather obvious. My bath water is always the perfect temperature despite the temperature in the room; my food the same. Merlin always completes his chores, no matter how many and how laborious. He seems to know more about magic than any simple servant boy from a small village should. All that evidence plus the hours he just disappears all the time, he has to be practising magic.

At first all I felt was betrayal. All these years we have been together, how could he not confide in me? How could he not trust me to protect him from my father?

Then I felt anger. Mostly at my father. All that time spent filling me with hate for magic and here I find that there could be good magic; pure magic. The idea that Merlin could hurt anyone intentionally is simply ridiculous.

Now I'm simply feeling impatient. I have been waiting for him to tell me. I understood his hesitation when Uther was alive, but now?

How many times will he risk his life for mine and say nothing?

How long can I be expected to stay silent?

**Gwen**

Imagine you grew up with nothing. Imagine all you ever imagined for yourself was a life as a servant; only to be seen but not heard. You think you are plain, maybe pretty at times but hardly worth noticing.

No one has ever called you beautiful.

Imagine you wake up one morning to realise that there is someone; someone who loves you. He's not just anyone. He's a king, like the ones in the story books your mother read you when you were young.

Imagine he swears to love you forever, swears to be by your side until the end of time. You have hurt him before, you did not mean to but you did.

You thought you would never feel love again. You thought that part of you died when _he_ did; the only other man you loved. But here he is; this good, loyal, brave man. He loves you.

He loves you and you relish in it.

You can't remember ever being this happy or carefree. You have not felt this safe since your father was alive. You would do anything for him.

Anything.

Now imagine there's another. He's always been there; ready to make you smile when you thought you forgot how. He's your friend and you love him too.

You love him too.

You would never hurt your king, not like that again. But sometimes, when you close your eyes, you see blue. Not the blue of your king ,but the blue of depthless lakes and oceans. You see blue and you are engulfed in it. You are afraid of this new feeling.

You are afraid, but curious too.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Italics is what the character is thinking

**Warnings: **There is some sexy-time in this chapter so please don't read if that's not what you want. Also a couple swear words.

Please please please review!

CHAPTER 2

**Merlin**

I woke up this morning and it felt like a thousand angry ants where crawling all over my body. For a brief moment between sleep and consciousness, I thought Morgana had infiltrated Camelot and found me defenceless. I opened my eyes to find nothing, but the feeling did not pass. I have begun to think of my magic is an insolent child that keeps begging to play. Every time I say no, it throws a fit.

I curled and uncurled my fingers and kept my breathing steady as I stretched out my muscles. I had not felt that tense in all my life. I was grateful to have the day off from my usual duties as it gave me a chance to figure out how to control myself.

Morning light had hardly broken through the castle windows when I made my way outside Camelot. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream and let my magic exit my body in any way it saw fit but I feared the attention I would attract.

I made my way to a creak not too far away. I stumbled my way to the clear water and hesitated only a moment before stripping. The water only went up to my waist but already I felt some relief. I submerged myself under the mild waves and let go. I felt the water still around me and my magic rejoiced at the release.

I looked up at the clear sky above me and, without a second thought, produced rain clouds. The tension left my body as rain begun to soak the desperately dry earth. I had never felt so deeply connected to the elements. It was as if, for the briefest of moments, I could hear and feel every creature around me. The beating of a bird's wings, a rabbit borrowing into some shrubbery, a distinctly human heartbeat.

I emerged from the water to find Marie standing still in the pouring rain. She was holding a basket of water lilies and she let it fall as she gazed at me. I was aware of my indecency but I couldn't bring myself to care. Her heartbeat picked up and I felt the rise in her body heat like it was my own. The water followed her curves unnaturally, caressing her. She took a sharp intake of breath as if I was the one touching her, and not the rain water.

_Come to me._

And, as if she could really hear me, she started coming towards me.

"Marie! Marie! Where did you go?"

And just like that, the moment ended. Marie blinked as if she were in a trance. I put a finger to my lips and sunk into the water again. I waited for her and the other servant girl to leave before I ventured back to Camelot.

I felt less tense and restless but I could still feel my magic begging for release. The feeling was maddening. It felt like my mind and my body were working so hard just to keep functioning, like there was no end the almost painful feeling at the core of me.

Before I opened the door to Gaius's quarters, I felt her there. I could hear her heart beating frantically. I opened the door and I could smell the rain on her skin, the faint scent of lilies on her hands. I stopped thinking, I just moved until I was stood in my doorway looking at Marie on my bed; naked.

She knelt at the edge, hands folded in her lap. The gentle breeze from my open window sent her short dark hair fluttering around her heart-shaped face. She batted her big blue eyes at me and the hungry, tense feeling in my stomach tripled. All reason left my mind, all I could concentrate on was the soft curve of her hip, her perfect breasts; pink nipples hardening at my scrutiny. I had never seen so much skin all at once…well, except Arthur's.

_Come to me._

I heard her voice in my head, perfectly clear. My eyes widened with surprise and she turned her arm towards me with a soft smile. The druid symbol stood stark against her pale skin.

_I have dreamt of this forever, Emrys._

Her voice was a caress. I shuddered at it and I could not help the guttural sound that I emitted. She laughed and held her arm towards me.

_Please, come to me._

Without thinking about it, I took her outstretched hand and knelt on the floor in front of her. At her touch my magic stood alert; ready to play. I was struggling to keep it in check when she caressed my cheek.

"It's okay, I understand," she said. "You do not have to be careful with me, Emrys. You need release. Please, let me help you."

I had been with a girl once before, back in Ealdor. It was an awkward encounter I tried not to think too much about. I was inexperienced and much too excited at the time. It was over before I knew it and I was left wishing I had avoided the whole thing.

Marie was different. She pulled me flush on top of her so that I had to balance my weight on my elbows. She kissed me with more passion than I had experienced at any other point in my life; it was all teeth and tongue and heat. I used magic to discard my clothing and slam my door shut.

The first connection of skin on skin was maddening. It was as if the past couple of days I had been pulling brick after brick from the wall that was my sanity, when I felt her breasts against my chest and her heat against mine…that wall collapsed.

_Let go, it's okay. I want to feel it…I want to feel your magic._

I looked into her eyes as I eased myself in. The loose grip I had on my magic evaporated as soon as she wrapped her legs around my waist and forced me in deeper. Her mouth opened into a perfect 'o' as my body and my magic connected with hers.

It felt like I was pushing out all the energy in my body, emptying myself out like I was simply a vessel. It was the oddest feeling, like freefalling.

I moved inside her and the intensity of it left me breathless. I could feel my pleasure and her pleasure too. Bloody hell, it felt like I was feeling the pleasure of everyone that ever lived.

"Oh…oh gods. This is…oh," she breathed.

Sweat painted her body and mine. The room filled with her soft pants and I wondered how long I could keep it up before I lost it.

_More, give me more._

Every object in the room began to levitate as I pulled her into a sitting position so that she straddled my hips. I rocked her against me and whispered nonsense into her hair. A mirror broke, my window cracked and I help onto her hips tighter. Her nails dug into my back and I bit down on her neck. I could taste rain water and sweat and her.

"I can't…I can't…oh gods…" she moaned and I knew she was close.

I lay her back down beneath me and gripped my headboard and I picked up speed. The wood splintered and cracked beneath my hand. I could feel it…I could feel her release approaching as well as mine.

She came with one final call to the gods and I rode it out with her. I had just enough time to pull out of her before I found my release on the soft plane of her stomach as all the objects around us came crashing down. I meant to apologise but she brought my hand to her stomach and spread my seed up and to each breast. She lay there, looking up at me like I was some kind of god, and she was painting herself in my honour.

"I always imagined how that would be. How it would feel to be taken by the great Emrys," she whispered.

"Did I live up to your expectations?" I teased.

"I do not think there are enough words known to mankind to describe how you just made me feel."

She kissed me again, languidly, like we had all the time in the world.

"I feel so…relaxed. I've been so tense lately…so on edge. Now I feel like I could sleep for eons."

"I told you this would help," she shifted uncomfortably beneath me so I swapped us around so that she could lie on top of me. Her fingers dugs into my hair and I stroked her back. "Where I come from, people experience the same thing. We spend all our youth learning how to harness our skills but we come of age and we are out of control as if we learned nothing."

"So you all…do this?" I asked incredulously.

"Don't sound so prudish. It works. I come from a community that is a lot more spirited than all these nobles and their stupid rules. Don't you find it ridiculous? Don't do this! Don't say this! Don't touch that! We are not meant to live like that."

"You mean people like you and me?"

"Yes…exactly. I was born free into a community that believed in expressing love whenever and with whomever. Magic is free, magic is life itself. It is not restricted, not contained behind castle walls. You are magic, Emrys. To deny yourself what you want is unnatural. Your body needs release."

She punctuated her statement with a couple bites on my shoulder. I felt my arousal looming and she did too because she looked up at me with the cutest look of surprise.

_Again?_

**Arthur**

I would not have believed it if I had not heard it myself. I was walking back from the kitchens, because I had to request for someone to bring me my breakfast, when I saw a small gathering of servants outside Gaius's quarters. There were about four of them, all girls. They stood giggling in front of the open door oblivious to my approach.

I did not mean to creep up to them, but that is what I did. I stood behind them about to ask what they were doing there, and not attending to their chores, when I heard it. Moaning.

I stood rooted to the spot, my brain not allowing me believe what the sounds meant.

"That Merlin is quite the energetic lad, ain't he? They've been at it for a while now," one said.

"And the way she's been going on there must be quite the prize hiding underneath those baggy breeches of his."

They giggled and I blushed. Merlin? _My_ Merlin?

I coughed and they turned around, embarrassment colouring all their faces. A chorus of _sires_ and a lot of curtsying ensued but I was uninterested. All I could focus on was the distinct sound of my manservant fucking some whore right under my nose.

I dismissed them but I could not make myself leave. How could he? How could he…shirk his responsibilities like that? He was supposed to be resting so that he could attend to his king. Not get off with a random servant girl.

I had half a mind to barge in and pool the heathen off him. Surely it must have been her ministrations that lead to the encounter. Great sorcerer, or not, Merlin could hardly persuade a woman into his bed.

I stopped one of the servant girls as she scurried away. She could not meet my eyes as I spoke to her.

"Who is the girl with Merlin right now?" I demanded, my voice harsh.

She jerked away from me a fraction before responding. "It is Marie, my lord. Lady Guinevere's servant."

"Right, right. You are dismissed."

She turned and practically ran.

Marie? It seems someone needs to learn the simplest rule of the kingdom.

No one touches what's mine.

**Gwen**

You are collecting wild flowers and herbs with your servant. You should not be as Ladies should sit in elaborately decorated rooms and write poetry or practice the harp. They are not meant to pull on boots and venture into forestry.

You know this, but you don't care. You miss your old life sometimes and the routine comforts you.

You send your servant to the creak to find water lilies. You know your king likes the smell on your skin and you want to make him happy.

You are brushing away weeds when the first drops of rain start to fall. You look up and let the water slide done your face. You open your mouth to taste. You can't remember it ever tasting this good.

You look around for your servant but cannot see her. You start to worry so you follow her trail.

You stop. You have never seen anything so beautiful. There he is, the man you have allowed to invade your dreams. He's standing naked before you, naked before her. Water clings to his lithe body; his hair, his eyelashes too probably.

The water is still around him. He looks like he belongs there, immersed in nature.

You have never seen a man naked before and you know you should be embarrassed but you are not. There is something carnal about him, something dangerous but familiar too. You cannot feel embarrassment when affronted with such undeniable beauty.

You watch your servant step towards him and you cringe. _Mine!_

That is what you think. You know it is unfair, you know he does not belong to you but he does not belong to her either. So you call out for her, break the gaze they have on each other.

You pretend like you did not see, even when she finds you again. You see the knowing look in her eyes, she knows you saw but she will say nothing.

You take the lilies from her as you walk back. You think about the hot bath you will take with them in the water. You think about how your king will complement you at dinner, how he will kiss your neck…maybe even try and taste them on your skin. You focus on that, picture him until the image of Merlin in the creak is erased.

But you know that later, when you are alone in your bed, your hand will slip beneath the covers and you will touch yourself _there_, and you will think only of him.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

**Merlin**

She stood facing the window and begun to tie her corset. I stared at the bruises that decorated her hips and back and felt sick.

"I am so sorry," I whispered.

"For what?" She smiled sweetly and I stood behind her and traced the marks I left on her skin.

"Oh…I did not notice."

"You are not angry with me?"

She turned and faced me, planted her hands on my chest.

"I will remember this day for as long as I live. I do not think you realise how much you mean to my people. You are destined for greatness."

I hugged her to me, uncomfortable with the praise but grateful nonetheless.

We dressed in silence and she gave me a tentative wave as she left my room. I lay back down on my bed and sleep came easily.

I was not surprised when a squire came looking for me shortly after. It was uncharacteristic for Arthur to really give me the day off.

I found Arthur on the training grounds tearing into the knights. From what I could see, practice had been going on for a while before my arrival. The knights looked sweaty, worn and ready for a break. Arthur, on the other hand, was just getting started.

He was sparing with Gwaine and, despite Gwaine's great skill, the poor man was failing dismally. Normally Arthur would hold back a bit so that the knights could work on their footing and defence skills, today he was going all out. He kicked Gwaine's feet from under him and brought his blade to the man's throat. He turned then and found me immediately, as if he knew I'd be watching. I could almost hear what he was thinking.

_I am the best. Me._

I had accepted Arthur's arrogant nature a long time ago. Being Uther's son made him always strive to be the best; to be the most aggressive. Recently I had thought he was finally growing out of his prat nature, apparently I was wrong. He offered Gwaine a hand and pulled him up roughly. He watched with an impassive expression as Gwaine limbed away before gesturing Elyan over.

"Fix it," Gwaine growled as he approached me.

"Fix what?"

I tried not to smile as he eased himself to the ground, but his face was extremely comical.

"I don't know! Fix whatever you did to make him this angry."

"What makes you think this little temper tantrum has anything to do with me?" I asked incredulously.

"Because it's _always_ about you."

He looked up at me earnestly, as if demanding me to object.

"Okay, okay. He might be a bit annoyed at me at the moment. He gave me the day off and I didn't quite utilise it like he meant."

"You mean you were busy shagging Gwen's servant girl instead of resting your pretty little head," he smirked.

"What? Wha…Who…No…" I spluttered.

"Don't act so surprised. You know gossip spreads faster than wildfire here," he paused and grinned at me, "and even if it didn't, apparently you were both quite loud."

I was sure my face was bright red and Gwaine's laughter proved it was. Arthur paused a moment and looked at us, at Gwaine laughing, and beat down harder on Elyan who barely had enough time to bring his shield up.

"You are as dense as he is if you really believe that's why he is angry. A man could grow mad watching you two dance around each other."

I did not know how to respond to him and I was secretly glad when Arthur barked at me to come over.

I passed Elyan as I approached my king. He paused and patted my shoulder gingerly.

"Good luck," he said.

Arthur handed me a shield and helmet wordlessly. He was visibly shaking and sweat darkened his golden hair. I knew where and how to stand having played the part of practice dummy before. I knew this time was different before he took his first swing.

He usually holds back. He usually wants to make fun of me, but not hurt me.

I hit the ground hard, the air leaving my body in one harsh breath.

"Get up," he said coldly.

My magic flared with my anger and it took all my restraint not to send the pompous jerk flying.

I stood and brought the shield up again as he began his assault. All I could feel was the strain on my arms. All I could hear was the sound of metal clashing and Arthur's erratic breathing.

"Fight back," he almost growled.

I wanted to. I wanted to push back. I wanted to show him how it felt to have his arse handed to him, to humiliate him in front of all his knights.

But what I want has never factored when it comes to Arthur.

He gave up with the sword, tossing it aside, and instead started to push at me.

"Fight back _Merlin_," he taunted.

Push.

"Fucking fight me back," he growled.

Push.

Then I felt it. I felt my magic pulsing through me, beating just under my skin. I gripped the shield, felt my fingers dig into the metal. I looked at him and I was so ready, so ready to show him what I could do to him. He paused, lips parted and expression earnestly awe-struck.

"Arthur, let up on him. He's bloody defenceless," Gwaine interjected.

I had never been so happy to hear my friend's voice because I had been just about to…just about to what? I would never hurt Arthur, not intentionally. But for a moment, just for the briefest of seconds, I was ready.

"Yes, sire, give the boy a break," Leon added.

Arthur broke away from me, almost hesitantly. He shook himself like he was shaking me off, even though I was not touching him.

He picked up his sword and thrust it at me, telling me to sharpen it without looking me in the eyes. He marched off the field, jerking his gloves off almost angrily.

"Practice over!" He barked behind him.

The knights seemed to sigh in unison and milled around a moment longer before heading their separate ways. Gwaine lingered and walked with me to sharpen Arthur's sword.

He sat gingerly on a work bench and watched me start to sharpen the weapon. He did not say anything as I tested the edges and found them sharp enough. He did not comment as I used a rag to gently polish the weapon, taking care not to cut myself.

"Are you just going to sit there and watch me all day?" I asked a bit harshly.

"Well, I could watch you all day," he answered.

I looked up at him perched in front of me, legs spread and so close I could smell grass and sweat coming off him. My newly awakened magic seemed to stretch and stand at the ready, already whining for release.

"Very funny," I choked out a laugh, forcing the moment to pass.

"Wasn't joking," he shrugged, "but that is a conversation for another day. You need to talk to Arthur. You get that he is jealous, don't you?"

"Jealous of who?" I asked.

"Bloody hell, you two belong together. You're both as dense as doorknobs."

He brought his hand to his face and exhaled slowly.

"He's jealous of Marie, Merlin." He said slowly, like he was talking to a child or an idiot.

"I hadn't thought of that," I paused and thought it over for a moment, "I guess he might be. It makes sense I suppose."

"Hm…I didn't think you would be so quick to agree. I thought I'd have to knock the sense into you."

"Arthur has always been a possessive prat. He's never been very good at sharing his toys. It makes sense that he does not like me spending time with Marie," I reasoned.

Gwaine looked at like he'd never seen a bigger idiot in his life.

"You two exhaust me! I cannot be bothered any longer." He stomped to the door, paused, looked back at me and sighed before heading out.

I watched him leave, ignoring his outburst and blaming it on exhaustion. He did make some sense though. Everyone has heard of what Arthur was like growing up. He was a demanding and possessive little prat.

Uther never bothered to spend time with him, handing him off to nurses and servant girls instead. What Uther did not give in love, he gave in possessions. Arthur had every toy that a young boy could dream up. He was a bloody nightmare; ordering his caretakers around and throwing tantrums whenever he did not get his way or anyone dared touch one of his precious toys.

He was the same with his friends, not that you could really call any of them his friends; playmates rather. The sons of knights and noblemen were allowed to entertain him. Apparently, once Arthur chose one as a playmate, no other child was allowed to play with that boy.

I could imagine it, a mini Arthur stomping around with a poor lad tagging along.

One thing was certain though. He always got tired of his toys…and his playmates. There would come a time when he would be bored and simply would not care any longer what became of the toy or the person.

There is no reason to believe that Arthur is any different now. In fact, his little display earlier proved as much. Arthur has always thought of me as a possession and treated me as such. Any jealousy, as Gwaine put it, is just Arthur being Arthur. It's hardly anything to get excited over.

Just because the king has yet to learn how to share does not mean he has any…_feelings_ for me.

I ignored the disappointment sitting heavily in my stomach and instead focused on the tension starting up in my muscles. It seemed that Arthur had provoked me to the point that I could no longer recalled the relaxing state I had been in after being with Marie.

I decided to kill time, and calm down, before attending to Arthur.

I found Gaius in his chambers and offered my services. It was hard to think of the arrogant dollophead when knee deep in a leech tank.

Night had fallen and Arthur had not called for me. I knew I should go attend to him but I could not find it within myself. I instead went wandering around the castle looking for Marie or anyone that would know where she was. I needed relief. I needed it badly.

I found a servant girl, Alice, airing out sheets. When I approached her, she blushed a very alarming shade of red proving that the whole castle had indeed heard of my escapades.

"Alice, how are you? Do you by any chance know where Marie is?" I asked.

"Um…well…" She fidgeted with her apron and refused to meet my eyes. "I thought he would have told you himself by now…"

"Who? Tell me what?"

"The king, he asked for your leave," she barely whispered.

"What? Why would he do that?"

"He said her services were better suited for work outside the castle. She has been given a different position away from the royal party."

"Where? Where is she now?"

"I am not at liberty to say. His majesty forbade it."

She looked truly embarrassed by the whole thing, solidifying my suspicions.

The prat had gone too far.

How bloody childish could one person be?

**Arthur**

I was not sure where to go. I stood in my chambers still in my training gear and shivering.

I saw him. I saw his eyes turn gold. I saw his stance change; lips curled back, eyes focused. I saw his fingers bend metal that the best forged swords could not break.

I pushed him and he snapped for a moment. He was going to show me what I had suspected all along, Merlin is more than he seems.

I wanted him to snap. I wanted the truth from him for once.

I just did not expect the…effect it would have on me.

I start to take off my own armour listening to the sound each piece makes as it hits the floor.

He could have done anything he wanted. My armour would have been useless, my sword nothing in comparison. He could have done anything he wanted and I would have been unable to stop him.

That should not make me feel…aroused.

I tug at my trouser laces roughly and wrap a hand around myself. I find a desperate rhythm and think of my manservant. My manservant staring at me, eyes gold. My manservant taking me, sinking into me, on the warm ground of the training field.

I find my release with a strangled cry of his name. I fall to my knees, confusion, elation and disgust building in me.I clean myself slowly, trying to gather my thoughts but they feel like disjointed pieces of a puzzle in my mind.

I woke up this morning and knew who I was.

Now I can hardly recognise myself.

Amidst the confusion, one thing is clear. The business with the servant girl must be dealt with.

I gather a generous number of coins from the royal purse hidden in a compartment in my desk. I find one of the older servants, a woman I know is responsible for all the serving girls. I give my instructions without hesitation, clear and concise. If she is confused, she does not show it.

Marie is to be given the money for her trouble. She is to be found a comfortable job far from the castle, and Camelot's boundaries if possible. No one is to speak of her whereabouts lest they too want to be uprooted.

A voice in my head, a voice that sounds like my father, is telling me I am being rash. I am being unfair. But that voice is drowned out by the memory of Merlin and that girl together that afternoon. I will not have anyone thinking they can just simply _have_ Merlin.

My Merlin.

I try not to think about him anymore, but I fail dismally. I avoid going to my chambers lest he be there waiting. I feel cowardly which makes me irrationally angry at him and myself.

I find myself going to her without consciously thinking about it, I just find myself walking the familiar path to her home.

I stand in front of her door and breathe. It will not be the first time I visit her seeking her comfort, but I do not want to enter with thoughts of another on my mind; that would be a betrayal. My hand settles on the handle and I am debating whether to turn it when she makes the decision for me.

She stands before me, candles lit behind her and the scent of lilies and lavender washing off her in soft waves.

She opens her arms to me, as if knowing exactly what I am going through.

I step into her warm embrace and think of sunshine and warmth.

"Gwen," I whisper and she draws me in.

**Gwen**

You wait for him to come to you. You have heard about the incident on the field and you know he is probably questioning himself.

Uncertainty does not sit well with Arthur. He will dissect every action, every word said, until he can come up with a rational answer. But you know there is no rational answer.

You know there is nothing rational about the heart.

You bath with the lilies and rub lavender oil into your skin. You want him to think of home when he comes. You want him to feel nothing but calm when he is in your arms.

You open the door after and find him there, confusion and exhaustion etched into his features. You draw him in, kiss his hair, hold him until the confusion is gone.

You have never been with a man before. You might have, with Lancelot, if the opportunity had presented itself, but it didn't. You want your king. You want to feel him there, with you. You want to be bound with him like that.

But you don't want him to be thinking of another when it happens.

You would give him anything if he simply asked, but that would be too much.

So you stop him when he begins to untie your laces. You let his apologies wash over you, holding him to you still. He offers to leave but you want him there. You want to show him that it is okay, that you will always be his.

You fall asleep that night cradled in his arms. You don't know what tomorrow will bring, but you are content for now.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

**Merlin**

The next week is hard to get through. I do not speak to Arthur about Marie; I do not speak to Arthur at all. I never expected to be treated like a bloody toy by him; to have my life dictated by him. Rumour has it that the king has been seen leaving Gwen's home early every morning this week. It explains why he is never in his chambers when I come to do my chores.

I try not to let the bitterness eating away inside me show; but it is hard. Why is it alright for him to have love and companionship, and I am just expected to wait on him in the shadows? If we are two sides of the same coin, does that not make us equals? If he knew who I really was, would he still treat me like this?

I was mucking out the stables when Gwaine found me. I was doing it by choice, partly because I did not want to see Arthur and partly because the physical labour kept the magic at bay. I kept thinking of myself as a jug of water full to the brim, one more drop and I would be overflowing…trickling out for all to see.

"You look like death, friend," he said while leaning against the stable entrance. "Princess got you all hot and bothered?"

"No…I'm just feeling a tad under the weather," I lied.

"Right…so it has nothing to do with Arthur's late night shenanigans with Lady Gwen?"

"Nothing at all."

I stopped working and looked up at the knight. He was dressed casually, as usual, and staring at me as if wanting to say more. He decided against it, and I was grateful.

"Why don't you come to the tavern with me and Percy, I hear you'll be a man soon. Best get you started with the art of drinking."

His smile was infectious and I found myself getting ready to go out with him. I had only been to the tavern a handful of times so I had almost forgotten how loud and joyous the atmosphere could be. Gwaine, Percival and I sat at the bar rubbing shoulders with knights and farmers alike. The tavern seemed to be the only place where all men were considered equal.

Gwaine handed the bar maiden a few coins and told her to keep the drinks coming and I surveyed my surroundings. There was a group of farmers seated to the corner falling over each other and singing old rhymes and songs. I recognised a few servants from the castle sharing a jug of ale and a couple squires participating in an arm-wrestling competition.

My eyes found her sitting by a low window, moonlight falling softly on her blonde hair. It was not uncommon to see women in the tavern, but definitely not women like her. Her dress was obviously of expensive quality, a pale pink against her fair skin. Her hair held a few braids and the rest fell in perfect curls down her back, as was the fashion at the moment. She looked like a lady, and you never found ladies in place like this.

"Forget about it, greater men have tried," Gwaine said while handing me a mug of ale.

"By greater men he means himself," Percival supplied.

I smiled and sipped my ale but my gaze did not leave her.

It seemed the longer I concentrated on her, the more the noise around us dimmed. I could hear her heartbeat from across the room, almost feel it underneath my skin.

"That's Lady Rose, her husband was a knight and high commander. He died a few years ago under Uther's rule. She comes here more than I do, I think," Gwaine said.

As if hearing her name, she turned towards us. I had never seen such sad eyes. I knew I should look away, that was the polite thing to do, but I really could not. She stared right back at me and it was the slight intake of breath and the quickening of her heartbeat that made me stand and go to her.

I ignored Gwaine's protests and walked the straight line to her table.

I stood in front of her, uncertain for a moment. Should I offer to buy her a drink, or is that something Gwaine would do? Should I ask her to sit or just sit down? I was debating what to do when she stretched out a hand, palm facing down. I held it in mine and kissed it gently. Her heartbeat was all I could hear then.

"Evening Rose, I am Merlin," I said while sitting down in front of her.

"Arthur's servant? I've heard about you," she said.

She had the same accent most noblemen and women had, her eyes were blue and her lips a subtle pink. She reminded me of him and I wanted to get up and walk away as soon as the thought entered my mind, but instead I sipped my ale.

We spoke about nothing substantial for a few minutes; commented on the weather lately and the late harvest. I was trying to think of a way to get her out of the tavern without insulting her honour when she reached for my hand and clasped it in her own.

"My home is just around the corner…would you like to…"

She blushed and I gripped her hand tighter.

I looked back at the knights as I was leaving and smirked at their unbelieving faces. It was actually rather insulting.

Rose lived in a cottage that reminded me of my own home, only bigger and actually furnished. I stood in the doorway, letting the moonlight and cold seep in and watched her light candles.

I felt giddy and lightheaded, both from the anticipation of release and the ale. I almost giggled when she took my hands in hers and led me to her bed. She drew the curtain that separated her bed and the rest of her home and I was glad for the slight darkness that ensued.

I was finding it hard to keep it together and I knew my magic was about to take charge. The last thing I wanted was to lose control and hurt her or expose my magic.

She sat on the bed with her back to me and begun to undress.

"It's been a long time," she whispered. "I don't normally do this kind of thing, but there's something about your face, I guess."

"What? My dashing good looks?" I laughed.

"No…well, there is that. It's just that you have a kind face, a gentleness about you."

Her dress fell and bundled at her waist. I spread my hand flat on her lower back and dragged it to her hip. She took a sharp intake of breath and I lost all semblance of control. I took refuge in her skin and found relief in her warmth.

I was as gentle as I could be. I forced my magic outside of our bubble of heat and desire and hardly noticed when the sky broke and lightening hit just outside her home. Thunder masked my moans and her quiet exclamations and I thought of nothing but fields of roses as she kissed her thanks on my lips.

**Arthur**

I am a coward. I am a coward hiding from his own manservant. My father would be disgusted.

I have broken decorum and spent every night this week in Gwen's company. We did not do anything, I would not risk her honour in such a way, but one rumour is all it takes to ruin one's reputation.

I try to keep hold of the warmth I felt in her company as I begin the responsibilities of the day. I am about to start training with the knights when I hear a couple of them talking. Merlin's name comes up and I stood alert.

"I'm telling the truth! I was there myself," a young knight exclaimed. "He sat with her all of five minutes before he was leading her out."

"What does that skinny servant have that I don't? Do you know how many times I've tried to get under Lady Rose's skirt? He gives it one go and he's spending the night."

I felt every bit of warmth leave my body. My hand gripped my sword tighter and I had the irrational urge to scream in frustration.

Do I have to bloody threaten everyone in the kingdom for them to know he's mine?

"All of you! Stop gossiping like a bunch of girls and give me a few laps around the field _now_," I said and they scattered.

The Knights of the Round Table led the group around the outskirts of the training area, calling at everyone to keep up. Leon was missing from the group but he joined us a moment later, breathless as if he had been running for miles.

"Sir, I have urgent news that needs your attention. We need to hold a meeting with the royal advisors immediately."

I looked upon the man's desperate face and called my knights over. I dismissed them all, except my most trusted, and called an emergency council meeting.

Gwen and a select few noblemen were already waiting in the throne room. It was against customs to have her there but I was glad to see her, her sincere gaze comforting my frantic heart.

Merlin was the last to arrive looking even more dishevelled than usual. He had a stupid grin on his face and more colour to his cheeks than I had ever seen. A few knights, obviously having heard the rumours, snickered and he ran his fingers through his hair embarrassed. I found Gwen looking at him with a slight frown and disapproval written clearly on her face.

"There has been a sighting in the woods outside Cendred's kingdom," Sir Leon begun, "Morgana has rallied an army, presumably with the help of the warlord Helios. Those loyal to Camelot within Cendred's kingdom have sent word saying she plans to strike against our kingdom in less than a week."

Silence dominated the room and all eyes focused on me.

My sister, my old friend. There are no words to begin to describe the sadness and regret the mention of her name plagues me with.

"If it is a war she wants, it will be a war she gets," I said simply. "We will secure the border and prepare for her attack."

"Milord, may I speak?" Gwen asked.

"You may."

"What about the villages under our protection? If we secure Camelot's walls, what will happen to them? There is not enough room or resources within the city to provide for all those people."

I fought the smile wanting to dominate my face. Gwen with the heart of gold, my future queen.

"Then we will strike before they can attack. I will lead Camelot's best to meet her outside the city walls. We have enough time to prepare and arm ourselves, let us be grateful for this advantage."

I cleared the room and everyone left but Merlin, of course.

"Another war," he said quietly, "will it ever end?"

"Yes, when she is dead."

I left without a backwards glance.

I could not look at him. I could not look at him when I was already feeling so raw, so close to the edge of my sanity. If I looked at saw any trace of her left on his skin, I would very well lose it and do something stupid; like kiss him.

The next week was spent preparing for a war. We harvested what we could, secured barricades where the wall was not strong and prepared the people for what was to come. I trained the knights all day and spent the night in Gwen's arms.

I kept Merlin close. I made sure that where I was, he was too. I spent so much time with him that it was hard not to notice the change in his demeanour. He was quiet and withdrawn, hardly talking to me or the knights. At first I thought he was simply nervous about the battle, but then I noticed the slight shake in his hands, the sweat on his brow despite his paleness.

We were loading the horses, ready to ride out and defend our kingdom, when he stumbled and almost fell. I caught him just in time and almost let go when my skin touched his feverish flesh. Gwaine helped me carry him to Gaius and I fought the panic threatening to take over.

I can't fight without him by my side, I thought.

I wanted to stay by his side, I wanted to hold him to me and never let go. Instead I watched Gaius apply a cool cloth to his brow and murmur comforting words to him.

Gwaine did not want to leave either but he gripped my upper arm and begun to pull me to the door.

"No…I need to go with Arthur, I need to be with him," I heard him whimper.

It took all my strength, and some of Gwaine's to leave without looking back at him.

The only thought I allowed to fill my head as Gwen kissed me goodbye and I mounted my horse, was that of Morgana. Once and for all, I thought to myself. I would deal with my sister once and for all.

**Gwen**

You watch him ride away and it feels like a part of you is leaving with him. If you could go with him, you would. You turn the ring he gave you last night. You remember what he said.

"Forever and always," he whispered. "I'll be yours forever."

You are secretly glad that Merlin has fallen ill. You know that if you had to watch both of them leave you behind, you would not be able to bear it.

You wait until you cannot see your king anymore before you go to him. You sit by his bed and watch him sleep. He's murmuring nonsense, tossing and turning. You wish you could relieve the pain, take it away from him and feel it instead.

You touch his feverish cheek and lean down close to his ear.

"I'm right here, Merlin," you whisper, "I'm going to stay right here with you."


End file.
